Change kids' behaviour without rewards or bribes

From: Michael Grose- Australia's No.1 Parenting Educator.

There are many strategies you can use to improve or change children’s behaviour.

Some like, bribery, may be effective in the short term, but keeping relying on that method to get kids to cooperate and you need deep pockets as today’s little toy is tomorrow’s games console. Your bribes need to be bigger and better each time!

One simple strategy for improving behaviour and promoting the behaviour you want is the provision of good feedback when kids behave well.

I call this strategy ‘ describing them being good’ as it goes one step further than simply making a fuss. It involves describing their behaviour so that you shape future behaviours.

Sounds complicated, but it’s not.

First, it’s important to remember that parental recognition is a high driver for kids. They like to please their parents so making a fuss when they do the right thing means they are more likely to do it again. No guarantees, mind you! Just likelihoods!

Second, figure out a behaviour you want to improve and focus on that. An example maybe you want kids to pack up their toys after each time they’ve played with them.

Third, make sure kids know what’s expected of them. Show as well as tell them what you want.

Next, when children approximate those behaviour make a fuss, but tell them what they have done. “Wow! It’s great that you put each toy away before getting the next one out. That’s smart. And look, you put it in the right container. Look at all the room you have made to play.”

There are three features to using feedback to change or shape kids’ behaviour:

1. Immediate: Wait too long and its impact is lost.

2. Descriptive: tell’em exactly what you saw (and what you want)

3. Amplify with touch, eye contact & voice: Smile, touch or hug them and get excited and you’ll find its impact is magnified tenfold.

For more tips on Praising a Child, go HERE.

It's All Right to Be Wrong

Question & Answer from HERE.

"I worry a lot about making mistakes in raising my children.
How do I know what I'm doing now won't hurt them in some way later in life?"

Few things can ruin the enjoyment of parenthood more surely than a fear of mistakes. Nowadays so many parents live with the daily worry that they will accidentally set in motion some emotional hang-up that will plague their youngster through childhood and maybe into adulthood. One single parent mom told me she was reluctant to discipline her strong willed son because she didn't want him to grow up with bad feelings towards women.

It's no surprise that parents are so skittish. They've been blamed for everything from Waldo's bellyache to his dropping out of school. Somehow, some way, the finger gets pointed back at the folks. They must have miscalculated or blundered at some crucial stage along the way. Out of ignorance, inexperience, lack of sophistication or savvy, they've done something to create the instability or defect in Sigmund's mental health.

What a tragedy that such a black cloud hovers over childrearing. The reality is that the very best of moms and dads will miscue so many times that they'll lose count in their first year. Mistakes are inseparable from good parenthood. They are as integral to the process as children are. My guess is that the typical parent with the typical youngster misjudges, overreacts, and mishandles things thousands of times per childrearing career. And that's in raising a typical youngster. If you live with a Spike, allow yourself two or three times the norm in mistakes, because this little spitfire would make Job cry uncle.

Unquestionably your parenting is powerful in shaping the person your child is and becomes. If you consistently parent poorly, she probably will develop some problems on her way to adulthood.
The key words here are consistently and probably. You have to mess up not once or twice, but repeatedly to lay the base for possible future trouble. Just as it takes time and perseverance to teach good values and habits, it takes time to teach bad ones. Mistakes made by parents who love, discipline, and care for their children simply will not ruin a child for life.

Kids are emotionally durable. The good Lord knew that children were going to be raised by humans, with all of our shortcomings, inconsistencies and flaws. So he built them to withstand us, and all the trial and erroring we do on our way to better parenting. Kids are not fashioned from spun glass. They don't have to be ever so delicately shielded from all bumps and jostles. Not at all! Kids are built tough. They can be more likened to hard rubber, with steel belts on both sides.

Whenever you worry that you may have blundered badly in handling a situation or problem, remember: that occasion is only one of thousands upon thousands of interactions you and Waldo will have together. It's the overall picture that matters, not the periodic foul-ups that all of us parents are prone to, especially if we're raising kids and not something easy like wolves.

There's a bright side to making mistakes. Responsible parents learn from mistakes. If you think you make more than your share, you'll learn more quickly. Mistakes are how good parents get better.