How do I stop?

Another question from Pure Love Club.

Q. I have formed a real habit of masturbation and don't know how to stop.
What's the best way to overcome this?

A. Prayer and patient perseverance. As you begin the battle, know that God is pleased with your desire for holiness and that his grace is working in your life. He will complete the good work he has begun in you (Phil. 1:6). Come to him in prayer and ask him often for the grace to be pure, and specifically to overcome this habit. The number one prayer you can offer is the holy sacrifice of the Mass. There is enough grace in one Communion to make you a saint. Tap into that fountain of purity!

Spend an increased amount of time in personal prayer as well, and speak openly to Jesus about your struggles.
Also:
* Pray the Hail Mary three times each day for purity of mind, body, and heart;
* Frequent the sacrament of reconciliation;
* Read Scripture;
* Pray the rosary;
* Make the Stations of the Cross;
* And develop a devotion to St. Joseph.
These form an arsenal of weapons against any sin. Use them often, and you will eventually be able to overcome any vice.

If you need to confess the same sin repeatedly, do so. The devil will try to discourage you, saying, "Hey, you've been back in the confessional so many times with this sin. Why don't you give up? You can't win." Recognize these thoughts as a temptation and turn immediately to prayer. Know that the patient is healed who shows his wound to the physician. The confessional is the medicine box, Christ in the priest is the doctor, and that is the last place the devil wants you to be. You are on the winning team, and the Lord will not let you be snatched from his hand. You can not do it alone, but you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13).

Certainly, if you own any pornography, swimsuit posters, vulgar music, and such, get rid of them immediately. For the sake of love, guard yourself against such contamination. Replace these things with good Christian music and put holy images in your room, especially where you usually fall into the sin. If you have a habit of watching a lot of television, find something else to do, such as exercise. This helps release tension and makes the body easier to master. Television is idleness filled with temptation, and that is kindling for the fires of lust.

To help you grow in discipline, set reachable goals. For example, make a commitment not to masturbate for three days, a week, a month, or whatever you feel is a reasonable time. When you have made it to that point, you will have an increased sense of confidence that you do have control over your body. Then, bump up the time and abstain for a longer period. Keep this up until the vice is overcome, and it ceases to be an option.

During this time of discipline, give up tiny things. For example, skip salt on your fries, or skip seconds at a meal. These small sacrifices will help you grow in self-mastery, so that you gain self-control. After all, we are slaves to whatever rules us. The difference is like that between a jockey who has no control over his horse which gallops wildly through gardens and living rooms, and a jockey who has control and can win races and stop on a dime. That is a person fully alive. This kind of self-control is impossible alone, but with the grace of God, all things are possible. If you ask for purity, not one grace will be lacking. Be patient with yourself and do not give in to discouragement. The prize of true love awaits those that are truly free, because they are the ones capable of giving and receiving.

Growing through Temptation

Chastity question from Pure Love Club.

Q. What's wrong with masturbation?
I think of it as getting rid of your temptations without leading anyone into sin.

A. Masturbation doesn't get rid of temptations any more than a prostitute does. Both may temporarily relieve sexual desires, but our goal as Christians is not simply to get rid of temptations. Our goal is to glorify God with our bodies. The idea that masturbation can be used to decrease sexual desires is like saying that lighter fluid can be used to extinguish a fire. If anything, masturbation incites lustful thoughts and teaches a person that he or she deserves--and needs--sexual gratification whenever the desire arises.

To understand why masturbation is wrong, we need to step back from the world's constant clamoring for sexual "needs" and go back to God's plan for sex. Sexuality is meant to be a gift between a husband and wife for the purpose of babies and bonding. When it is taken out of that context the gift is degraded--and in the case of masturbation, altogether ceases being a gift. The purpose of sexuality is abandoned, because the center of the sexual act becomes "me" instead of "we" and the person is trained to look to himself for sexual fulfillment. The gift of one's sexuality is misused for the sake of lifeless pleasure. Only selfless giving will fulfill you.

When people misuse their sexuality in this way, they begin to use pleasure to change their mood, release tension, or forget their loneliness. Masturbation becomes an escape. It may pacify them, but it will never satisfy them, because they'll always want more. They use the fantasies of their mind and the pleasures of their body to flee from reality and the call to love. Their goal in sexual activity has been reduced to merely receiving pleasure instead of showing love. If men and women have trained themselves to use their sexuality in this way, why would this suddenly change once they're married? The husband or wife will simply be a substitute for the fantasies, to be used in place of self. They may even imagine the fantasies while with their spouse. The problem is that the lust will be transferred to the other, not healed within.

Worse yet, merely getting married will not cure their problem with masturbation. Because masturbation has trained disordered impulses in them, the true pleasures of marriage--though far superior--may not appease their warped attachments. Where will they turn to find those pleasures within marriage? Often, they'll continue to struggle with masturbation, to the sorrow and distress of their spouse, and to the detriment of their marriage. A person who does not preserve his own purity when alone will have a difficult time remaining pure with another. If he lacks self-control when alone, he will be unable to properly give himself to his spouse when the time comes. You can not give what you do not control. No self-control equals no gift of self. To the extent that there is no gift of self, there is no love. If you want to be able to genuinely love your spouse, you must build self-mastery.