Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Marriage tip!

Here is a marriage tip I recently read:

Turn Off the TV and Talk!

"With children and our work between the two of us, it's easy to just not have time to communicate. While we enjoy watching our favorite tv shows together, we communicate much better and feel a lot closer when we turn off the tv and the computer and actually talk to each other.
Even the stressful conversations about things like money go better when we are open and honest and try to discuss things when there are fewer distractions.
It's too easy to simply exist in the same house without actually connecting. When we tune into each other instead of everything else, it brings us much closer and helps us realize we are more in love now than the day we got married. And that's saying something!"

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"I'm watching you Dad"

How to be a Good Father

The father's role in our modern society has dwindled to almost nothing. But as a Christian, the father's role is important in molding and giving example to his children, especially to his sons.


Probably nobody denies that the typical father exercises less authority in his home today than at any time in history. Reasons for this decline probably are of no interest or help in the present discussion; but the effect of it cannot be overlooked. For evidence accumulated by psychiatrists, social workers and similar experts proves unmistakably that when children lack a strong father to guide them, they suffer serious damage in many important ways.

Consider these facts:

There is a startling growth in homosexual tendencies among the young, and most authorities agree that the boy who develops feminine characteristics usually has had unsatisfactory relations with his father in one or several important respects.
Increases in juvenile delinquency — a headlined trend in every part of the country — are also due to the weak position of the father; the lack of an affectionate and understanding relationship between father and son is a prevalent characteristic in the background of boys charged with criminal offenses. Many authorities also blame the shocking rates of divorce and marriage breakdowns to this cause. The fathers of those who cannot succeed in marriage often never gave their children a realistic example of how a man should live with his wife in this relationship.

The importance of the father as an example of manhood to his son and daughter probably cannot be overestimated. For example, one day your son may marry and have a family.
To be a successful father, he should know:
* how to train his children;
* how to treat his wife and their mother in their presence;
* what to discuss with them about his work;
* how to show them manual skills, such as repairing a chair or painting furniture;
* how to perform in countless other important areas.
The best way to learn how to act as a father is to observe one in action.

What ideals will he display as husband and father?
To a large extent, that answer will depend upon those he has learned from you, his father, in your own home.

What part will he play in the religious education of his children?
The answer will largely depend upon whether you:
* have led the family to Mass each Sunday
* say grace before meals in your home
* take an active part in the spiritual life of your parish.

How should he act toward his wife — aloof, affectionate, domineering, docile? Here too the answer will mainly depend upon your example.

The adage, "Like father, like son," is firmly based on fact. No matter how much he may resist your influence, your son will be like you in many different ways.
* If your influence is wholesome, the effect upon him will be wholesome.
* If you are a bad father, you will almost surely corrupt him in some significant way.

Remember also that you represent God before your child because you are — or should be — the figure of authority in your home.

He will be taught that he can always depend upon the mercy and goodness of the eternal Father; but it will be difficult for him to grasp the full importance of that teaching if he cannot rely upon the goodness of his earthly father.

It has been said that, in addition to giving wholesome example, a good father follows four fundamental rules in his dealing with his children.
1) He shows himself to be truly and sincerely interested in their welfare.
2) He accepts each child for what he is, and encourages any special talent which the youngster possesses.
3) He takes an active part in disciplining his children.
4) He keeps lines of communication open with them at all times.
Each of these rules is worth detailed consideration, because the typical father often ignores one or more of them.

For a detailed explaination of the FOUR FUNDAMENTAL RULES a good father should follow in dealing with his children, go HERE.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Abortion - honest answers

What About Abortion? | Despre avort (Romanian subtitles) from provita on Vimeo.

Wedding speech

I have been invited to make up a reading at one of my friend's wedding's.
It was quite difficult, as they don't really believe in God, but I tried my best to write something meaningful and what may be helpful to them.
They wanted it to have humour in it, but a lot of the humour was inappropriate (down playing marriage), so I added some light-hearted humour.
I took bits and pieces from books, which helped.
They are not Catholic and are not being married in a Church, but here is what I came up with:

The powerful union of marriage, provides the path for you to learn how to love another imperfect person unconditionally. It is wonderful. It is difficult. It is life changing.

Love isn't what we feel, but what we do. It is a decision and a choice, not just a feeling.

Love endures. It refuses to give up. Today you are saying to your spouse, “Even when you don’t like me – I will choose to love you anyway. Forever.” Because love never fails.

To the bride - The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man, is when he's a baby.
And if your husband comes home, and the kids are still alive, you’ve done your job!

To the groom - Always grant the possibility that she may be right, even if you don’t believe it.
And, always hold hands. If you let go, she shops!

Love seeks understanding. When you were trying to win the heart of your spouse, you studied them. You learned their likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. Keep studying each other, even after you are married. You are then seeking to ‘understand’ each other.

View your marriage relationship as a covenant instead of a contract. Realizing it as a covenant means, you are giving yourself to the other and committing to this marriage for life.

Strive to be selfless
. We can all be selfish, but love does not seek its own. You either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself. Being selfless, is putting the happiness of your partner above your own. Regard one another as more important than yourselves.

Marriage is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand!

Your life together is before you. Take hold of it and never let go. May God bless you as you begin this adventure together.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Mother's Prayer

Change kids' behaviour without rewards or bribes

From: Michael Grose- Australia's No.1 Parenting Educator.

There are many strategies you can use to improve or change children’s behaviour.

Some like, bribery, may be effective in the short term, but keeping relying on that method to get kids to cooperate and you need deep pockets as today’s little toy is tomorrow’s games console. Your bribes need to be bigger and better each time!

One simple strategy for improving behaviour and promoting the behaviour you want is the provision of good feedback when kids behave well.

I call this strategy ‘ describing them being good’ as it goes one step further than simply making a fuss. It involves describing their behaviour so that you shape future behaviours.

Sounds complicated, but it’s not.

First, it’s important to remember that parental recognition is a high driver for kids. They like to please their parents so making a fuss when they do the right thing means they are more likely to do it again. No guarantees, mind you! Just likelihoods!

Second, figure out a behaviour you want to improve and focus on that. An example maybe you want kids to pack up their toys after each time they’ve played with them.

Third, make sure kids know what’s expected of them. Show as well as tell them what you want.

Next, when children approximate those behaviour make a fuss, but tell them what they have done. “Wow! It’s great that you put each toy away before getting the next one out. That’s smart. And look, you put it in the right container. Look at all the room you have made to play.”

There are three features to using feedback to change or shape kids’ behaviour:

1. Immediate: Wait too long and its impact is lost.

2. Descriptive: tell’em exactly what you saw (and what you want)

3. Amplify with touch, eye contact & voice: Smile, touch or hug them and get excited and you’ll find its impact is magnified tenfold.

For more tips on Praising a Child, go HERE.